Taking a leap of faith into the unknown

Taking a leap of faith into the unknown

As I perceived things to be absolutely hopeless, an unexpected series of events highlighted my unresolved core trauma, which is so dark that it was hard to face.

The last weeks have not been easy. In fact, they were a time of a lot of introspection and hard lessons. As I was at the cusp of giving up on everything, suddenly things started to jolt into motion again.

A feeling of grave injustice

I had been feeling utterly demoralized by the events which happened in my life. Above all the crazy drama unfolding with the lady who had been working with me. We haven’t spoken for almost 3 months now and I wanted to forget her and move on. I know that there is a strong connection between us, something which goes much deeper than my limited human mind can ever understand. But the disillusion and suffering appeared so great that I decided to leave her behind and seek the romantic attention of other women. I met a sweet young lady at the human resources department and she seemed to be very fond of me as well. I imagined how I could escape all this suffering I was in by inviting her on a date of some kind and seeing what happens. One day, as I was picking up lunch in the cafeteria, I saw the lady but together with another man. I later observed how they were sitting together and touching each other, in a way still appropriate for a work setting yet hinting at intimacy between them. As I realized they were together, it was as if a fist hit me in the gut. I experienced feelings of strong betrayal, fear and shame. How naive was I? What was I thinking? As if I could simply escape from my higher mission by hopping on the rollercoaster of neurotic egoic love. It was of course an illusion I was chasing to avoid facing my own trauma – one quickly smashed by my higher guidance. The message was clear: You cannot escape your higher fate, which is linked to the epic triggerings and gruesome theater plays between the lady and me!

To add insult to injury, I received the news that the IT guy from the highly corrupt administration, located in the next city, has recently married. I saw his wedding photos on social media, portraying a “living happily ever after” image. At this point, I almost broke down. How could this injustice be allowed to extend so long? I received strong visions and confirmations of an impending justice half a year ago, which would be balancing the karmic scales. The bad actors would lose it all, their ill-gained wealth and their deceptive facade would fall apart. But most importantly, I would finally move into a relationship as well, one of a truly divine nature. Yet here I stand, totally exhausted and worn from a thousand battles, ready to give up while the bad actors continue to move on with their dirty schemes, skillfully evading detection and punishment. And what is even worse, this IT guy, who has been part of the corrupt schemes from the start, is now receiving what I am denied: A blissful and unburdened partnership with a loving wife. At least this is how things appear from my current emotional point of view, still distorted by certain traumas lingering in the shadows of my unconsciousness.

An unexpected jolt into motion

As I was already planning my total retreat from all of my activities, except my core tasks in this project, I received a message from an old friend. A Central American guy, who had been the head of security for several months, asked me to meet him in person. He is a very intelligent and upright man who is living to his principles. I also worked closely together with his son on the digitalization of the warehouse, where I stepped into a serpent’s nest of the gravest corruption. The ex-security head told me that he just resigned from the company because he cannot reconcile it with his conscience to work there any longer. During his time in the company, he has witnessed highly disturbing activities and he confronted several people about them and tried to talk to the project director. Let’s say the director did not welcome his advancements against the rampant corruption so he was transferred to work in a small office in the next town, far out of sight of the project founders and myself. It was clearly a separation tactic so that he could not continue his investigations into the corruption, occurring on a daily basis here. We talked a lot and he told me about his observations, I was not really surprised about it. It merely corroborated what I already knew.

Yet, there was one detail that stood out and triggered something dark within me. He told me about the systematic abuse of local women by the project director. In essence, the director would invite female employees to his house at night time, so they would engage in sexual activities. They were all paid for their “services” but there is a more sinister component to it: Several women who refused to take part in these “activities” were subsequently fired from the company, according to his conversations with 2 of them. Of course, it is hard to establish a causal link between their refusal and the firing but it is no secret that the director has dictatorial hiring and firing practices without any systematic processes. In essence, he alone reserves the right to decide who is allowed to work in the company. According to my own experience, he swiftly terminates the contracts of employees who drop in his esteem without giving any reason. And if his decisions are objected to, the director frequently invents whatever narrative to justify the decision in hindsight. It is a classic Machiavellian leadership style where the end justifies the means and truth is only a thing to value if it brings an advantage.

Interestingly, two other people have provided me with similar information about the systematic sexual coercion of female employees, independently of each other. They told me that they do have evidence in the form of text messages as well as a list of names of affected women. Obtaining more evidence and witness statements is a worthwhile avenue to pursue. What was weird though, was that my body was flooded with old trauma, bubbling up from the core of my being. I was in intense chaos of emotions. First, I was angry about the director and how he uses his position, money and power to coerce poor women into basically selling their bodies for a little bit of money. But then I did feel utter disgust of those women, who betray their husbands, families and their own dignity for a few dozens of dollars. I literally thought to myself: “Maybe those bitches have deserved it being treated that way”. As I found myself entangled in a net of dark thoughts and emotions, I suddenly realized: This is triggering my core trauma, linked to my family line. One which I thought I had already cleared, as described here: https://lightprism.net/2020/11/23/breaking-the-generational-trauma-cycle-of-my-ancestors/

This trauma is linked to my ancestors, who were living in Hessen, Germany in the Renaissance period. The same soul, who is now the project director, was the king of a small princedom in Rotenburg, that was founded around 1629. Back then, the king also succumbed to the lower temptations of money, power and especially women. And my female ancestor, a young and very poor peasant lady, found herself in exactly the same position. Unable to feed her family, she gave in to being sexually abused by the king and his henchmen. What was especially terrible was that she was sexually abused by several men who were watching the acts and who were condescendingly amused during this spectacle. It is a very dark trauma, so deeply engraved into the soul, so deeply repressed that I would have preferred to never face it. And this was the main reason I absolutely needed the dramatic theater play with the lady who had been working with me. The whole fabric of my being needed to be shaken to the core with utter force, to loosen and bring this trauma to the forefront of my awareness. What makes this trauma so terrible is the fact that my female ancestor was not simply sexually abused by a rich royal in his private chambers. She was being humiliated in a group setting, as demonic gazes were watching her during the terrible act. The first time I faced this trauma, I was only aware of a single perpetrator but now I realized that this semi-public group setting added an especially sinister component to the act. Especially because a child was born from this, which put a lot of shame on the family, acting as an everlasting reminder of what had happened in the king’s chambers.

Taking a leap of faith into the unknown

My Central American friend wanted to return home to his family but he could not afford the flight ticket. So I offered to purchase all of his furniture, even though I did not really need much of it. I thought it was a nice gesture, which could help restore a little bit of justice in this world – justice that does not seem to come on its own! As I was loading the furniture on a truck, I suddenly realized: I am the one who is enacting justice as I am led by divine guidance. That massive trauma, which had still been unresolved for so long, was however blocking my view and divine connection. So it needed to be resolved first, before further justice could be enacted through this human vessel, firmly guided by incredibly powerful higher consciousnesses. As the truck with all of this furniture arrived at the entrance gate of the community, the security guard took some photos of the vehicle. So I knew the project director would receive them and probably connected the dots because he knew that the Central American guy wanted to sell his belongings but the director refused any of his requests – again, a classic Machiavellian powerplay to punish those who have fallen out of his favor.

After unloading and storing those items in my container home (by the way, I am living in my own home for two weeks now already!), I collapsed into my bed totally exhausted. It was an extremely rough night though, as I woke up at about 4 am after a nerve-wracking dream: I was standing on a large platform at a very high altitude. The ground was not visible, I could only make out the next platform. Like in a computer game, I was jumping onto the next platform below me. I kept jumping from platform to platform but it always became more difficult. The distance between them became smaller, as did the size of the platforms. At some point, I was very afraid but took a very deep and far jump but the platform seemed very unstable, close to collapsing. I looked around but could not see any further platforms, there was just a void all around me. I knew I had to take a leap of faith, jumping into the void. Right before I wanted to jump, I suddenly woke up, my heart was racing and I felt utter fear and panic in my body. It was super intense and those feelings in my lower body persisted for more than two hours. It was one of the most intense traumatic clearings ever. It was so strong that I could barely sleep anymore so I took the morning off work to rest some more. Later that day, I randomly talked to another lady who told me she also had a dream about free-falling from a large building. She felt that it was related to death so the only thing she could do was to put her life in the hands of Jesus and God. A very reasonable suggestion. As those higher dimensional energies are blasting through Gaia and humanity, our level of consciousness is expanding so rapidly that the old limiting structures linking us to this Matrix, need to die off to make room for something new, something higher, something better. The death we are perceiving is not of our higher being, instead, it is the ego death of our lower selves that is accelerating now.

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