We need to climb the mountain before we can enjoy the view

We need to climb the mountain before we can enjoy the view

I was forced to look at some of my repressed shadows and realized that I have been doing what I perceived in others, i.e. to use romantic relationship fantasies as a distraction from my internal healing journey.

To say the last two weeks were intense would be a massive understatement. So much high-frequency energy is flooding the planet and it affects our human mind, body and spirit as well. Everything which is lying in the shadows, every dark and repressed secret we would rather avoid facing is surfacing for clearing. For me, personally many of those clearings are again related to the romantic realm.

Sometimes the universe must break us open

About two weeks ago, I got really sick again with stomach and digestion problems. I don’t know what caused it but I had the symptoms of gastritis, so I could barely eat anything, felt really weak and needed to rest a lot. But I feel this was necessary for various reasons. For one, I needed to pause in my mission to expose certain corrupt schemes here and wait for the moves of the other team. Secondly, I needed to give my body time to integrate the incoming higher frequency energies. After all, our bodies are changing rapidly in these times, as is our DNA. I got a vision about this before, so basically our DNA is reconfiguring so that we receive upgrades to our higher spiritual abilities. As I was lying down in bed for most of the week, I felt intense symptoms in my entire body, in particular in my third eye area. I felt so much pressure in the third eye region, almost as if it was about to burst open. See also: https://lightprism.net/2021/07/15/climbing-up-the-golden-spiral-of-our-upgraded-dna/

That being said, in retrospect, it is clear that I needed this forced breakdown to focus on my own repressed shadows in the romantic realm. About a month and a half ago, the lady who played an integral part in my healing process in 2020, hurryingly left this community again. A very unpleasant theater play between us ensued and for more than a month, we did not speak anymore. The situation is unresolved and this presents a challenge for me because there is a lot of uncertainty and confusion. We had been working together twice for about 6 weeks and both times we both went through massive progress in our personal healing journeys. There is a strong bond between us that goes far beyond the normal definition of what entails a “relationship” between a man and a woman. We seem to push each other to new heights of consciousness by shaking each other up to reveal the darkest shadows and ultimately clear them. It is the toughest thing I ever went through but the payoff so far was immense, in terms of gained spiritual abilities. In essence, my connection to higher realms drastically heightened and I now can more readily access higher-dimensional visions and insights.

Nonetheless, I am still human and have my human needs, desires and I am prone to nauseating rides on the emotional rollercoaster. In this lifetime, I am not supposed to be a celibate monk sitting in a cave to meditate all day. I have done that enough and those abilities are readily available for me to access. The mission in the current lifetime is to heal ancestral trauma, close karmic cycles and find integration and balance. A very difficult aspect of this is romantic relationships and my suffering in this regard does not seem to end. There is a deep heartfelt desire within me to have a healthy relationship, one which is outside of the karmic cycles, something truly divine where both partners gently push each other to new levels of consciousness. In fact, many times I have observed how many people around me are mindlessly jumping into romantic relationships, like moths flying into a raging flame. Those relationships are like a short kick of endorphins but similar to a sugar high the state of bliss does not last long. As soon as the rose-colored glasses come off, both partners will often limit and pull each other down. It is like two beggars are holding each other hostage but at least they have each other in shared poverty. This is the status quo of what is the very common norm of romantic relationships today and while I am repelled by it, I still have the impulse to also fly into the alluring flame of neurotic relationships, even though it is an unconscious impulse.

Nobody else is resposible for your own happiness

I have noticed how the lady who worked with me has been constantly trying to seek happiness and validation through the romantic realm. As we worked together, this has been a challenge for me because I received the higher mission to guide her through the healing of her traumas like a teacher would a student. Hence, I needed to put my own feelings for her aside and focus on this role. I managed to successfully hold my balance and to view the situation in neutrality to help her on the healing journey. That said, it is always is much easier to see the traumas and related external coping patterns in other people than in ourselves. For a long time, I did not realize that the lady was mirroring me again, as there was something deeply suppressed within myself, which I could not see.

A few weeks ago, I checked the Whatsapp status of the lady and saw how she posted a short video clip being on a birthday party of another guy. It seemed all very happy and upbeat but I sensed that it was rather forced like displaying a facade to the world that everything is great, that she is living “the best life”. I know this fake status-signaling very well from my time living in the big city. Even though I was not truly happy and was continually searching for something, I posted a lot on social media to build up some kind of personal image. In reality, I was chasing things in the external but this was preventing me from going inside to face the things which actually mattered. It was a tough lesson to learn and took me a long time but, in my defense, I was living in Babylon after all in a hedonistic YOLO (“you live only once”) environment which could not be more un-spiritual. I needed to have a series of breakdowns and even a burnout before I started to learn meditation and to slowly checkout of the urban environments.

Anyways, it is the free-will choice of the lady what she is doing with her life and I can’t be too hard on her because she is way younger than I am, so she did not have a lot of time to learn these lessons yet. Still, the thought that she might be jumping into another romantic relationship out of the fear of being alone terrifies me. Sadly, it might be what is necessary for her to bring suppressed traumas to the surface. As always, my only option now is to completely accept the situation and surrender to whatever may happen, even though it is so difficult. Unfortunately, I apparently needed a series of punches in the gut and kicks in the face again. I received another painful lesson in living in the moment instead of having narrow expectations, which are only limiting me from accessing the stream of endless possibilities, presenting itself in every now-moment.

Today, I had a massive breakdown as I was thinking about what the lady might be doing and if she cared about me at all. I was overcome by an intense sense of sadness, hopelessness and despair as I figured that she might have moved on from all of this and is probably in the next relationship, as this is easier by providing a comforting distraction from her own traumas she is unwilling to look at. It is always the same thing: The traumas we don’t face internally will manifest as dramas externally. I sat down to meditate and felt an almost unbearable tightness in my gut, as well as a stinging pain in my heart area. The heaviness and suffering I felt were so difficult to endure but I slowly breathed through it, focusing on the dark emotions and accepting them instead of trying to run away from them. After a while, the heaviness lifted and my body reached a more neutral state as I was in a deep meditative stance. And suddenly, I had a monumental insight: What I perceived the lady is doing, I am doing myself! She actually mirrored something back to me again and that is the fact that I am attempting to escape from my unprocessed shadows through the pleasant romantic relationship fantasies with her. It took a really long time to realize this but finally I got it now. Thus, thinking further about it, I am in really no credible position to lecture the lady or anyone else, if I was engaging in the same toxic patterns. We can never rely on other people or external circumstances for our own happiness. Nobody is responsible for our own inner peace and happiness but ourselves.

We need to climb the mountain before we can enjoy the view at its peak

As the trauma was slowly released from my body, I received a couple of visions. At first, I saw how the lady and I were standing within a circle of fire, that was almost burned down to the ground. It reminded me of those controlled fires they set in rainforests to remove overgrowth and create clearings. So we were standing in front of each other and the fire was almost gone but there still was a lot of smoke and confusion. I could not see clearly and did not know how to act in this situation. The situation demands to patiently wait until the smoke has cleared. Interestingly, this vision relates to others I received several weeks ago, where the lady and I were standing inside a burning “8” (a sign of infinity) but separated by a wall of raging flames. Subsequently, I got a vision of how the wall of fire between us had subsided and it looked like it was a comfortable bonfire we were both watching. Thus, the current vision is an interesting continuation of this symbolism, indicating the progress of the entire situation.

Moreover, I received a vision of a circular staircase, that looked like a DNA double helix but each stair was like a piano key. As I tediously walked up those stairs, I stepped on the corresponding piano key, which emitted an audible frequency. This frequency would be received by other people around me, including the lady who walked up to her own circular staircase. In other words, every healed trauma creates another step upward and others will be inspired to follow. And this vision also provides the blueprint for “better” or divine relationships. Imagining the circular staircase, traditional relationships common today would represent one partner holding on to the other, with the expectation of being pulled upward. In actuality, this does not work but both partners eventually pull each other down like those crabs in a bucket do to each other. Thus, we all stay in an eternal state of misery and mediocrity. In contrast, for truly divine relationships, both partners would go up the staircase individually and even inspire each other to continue further. Instead of trying to hold on to the other person, it is clear that everyone is fully responsible for their own path and our partners can only show us the steps but we have to take them on our own.

In conclusion, this was a grand breakthrough for me today as I was suffering immensely but could not see the forest for the trees. I now recognize that I did what I felt the lady has been doing, i.e. escaping from my own healing journey by focusing on romantic relationship fantasies. By doing this, I strictly limit myself from advancing on my own path to the mountain top. And that is where the things my heart desires, i.e. a truly divine relationship actually reside – on the top of the mountain. It is now clear as day that I need to keep climbing the mountain, to qualify myself for those blessings: Step by step, trauma by trauma, lesson by lesson. When I focus too much on the end goal instead of the path, I will just keep falling down, unable to progress on my journey. And with regards to romantic relationships, as stated in the Celestine Prophecy, we always need to focus on our individual divine connection first and foremost. Caution is advised not to focus too much on our romantic interests, trying to suck off their life force, which would only lead us astray and cause more suffering and stagnation. I will maintain my patient trust in the divine plan and that my heart’s desires will eventually be fulfilled – in a much better way than my limited ego-mind could ever conceive of.

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1 year ago

Thank you for speaking so eloquently about yourself & your experience. I relate to it immensely. I will take to heart what you have said and apply the wisdom.

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