What we don’t heal, we’re doomed to repeat
In a previous post, I described how the lady who worked by my side in this community was using her strict religious beliefs as a protective shield to avoid facing her traumas. In essence, what she was saying is that she just needs to live strictly according to the bible and she will be eventually saved. I tried to talk with the lady and convince her that she really needs to face those traumas and that I am always there to assist her in doing that. In my humble experience, healing our traumas is the most important thing we could ever do. She remained stubborn and immovable in her radical stance and instead told me that she needs to get out of this community in the near future. She would like to leave the community to live with her grandmother in the mountains. I sensed so much fear and confusion in her linked to several unprocessed traumas. At that point, it became clear to me: The lady was not ready to face her traumas internally so she would play them out externally in dramatic theater plays with other people. As I realized this, I felt angry and very disappointed so I just ended the conversation and left. That was about a week ago: https://lightprism.net/2021/08/03/lower-entities-like-to-conceal-themselves-in-religious-beliefs/
We cannot run away from our traumas
After we had our argument, the lady and I did not talk to each other anymore and she went to her grandmother again over the weekend. On Saturday, she messaged me saying that I misunderstood something about one of the stories about her in this blog. I took this as a positive sign that she was initiating contact again, so I told her she can always talk to me about what she is going through and that I would be happy to see her. I figured that my reaction of just ending the conversation with her might have been a bit harsh last time, so I wanted to accommodate her a bit. Nevertheless, she never responded to my message and she never sought out contact with me for an entire week. The only time she talked to me was to ask me about the internet connection, as we had a catastrophic internet failure in the community. I also met her twice randomly so I asked her how she is doing. She always seemed very nervous, irritated and distracted. And she told me that she will contact me, e.g. to work for me again, but she actually never did so. The lady apparently avoided me as she did not want my help, obviously running away from something.
Instead of facing her problems, she apparently just wanted to run away again to her grandmother, by leaving this community as quickly as possible. I also got to know that she started to drink a lot of alcohol again, even though she assured me weeks ago she would not do that anymore. I figured that a usual coping mechanism to escape from this state of uncertainty and confusion is to seek distraction and salvation through other people, e.g. by gaining validation and attention in the romantic realm. That is always easier than being in solitude and facing the traumas head-on. Yesterday, I saw how she was leaving the community, in a very hurried way as early as possible. I observed how she greeted someone as I was walking by, but it was in a very “over-the-top” manner. It reminded me of how she was in the past, e.g. last year, when she used to put on a show, as a display of very artificial and controlled behavior to simulate the impression that she is a strong and self-confident woman, even though she actually confused and hurting within.
The whole situation induced very negative feelings again in me so I suspected that this is another theater play that I am now going through to heal some deeply buried traumas. In particular, I felt hurt by her behavior but above all, I missed her and felt the need to contact her. I also felt strange fears of being lost and alone and wanting to have her by my side. Hence, I felt the impulse to “talk to her”, “make her understand”, “change her mind”, etc. so that she would come back to be with me. Earlier, when I had talked to her briefly several times, it was clear that she always seemed to avoid my offers. I was obviously missing something huge. Shortly thereafter, I started to sit down in silence to meditate about those negative emotions I was feeling about her and this entire situation. Those were feelings of fear and anxiety. Also, I felt lost, confused and alone with a strong constriction in my chest, a huge blockage, as if I am trapped alone somewhere, without being able to get out. There obviously was a massive trauma to process here. What was it?
A vision of an old ship
As I entered a deep trance, I found myself sitting in a very old ship. It was old, dark, cold, heavy, made out of metal. I could knock on the metal wall to only hear an echo through the entire ship. It seemed as if I was totally alone, trapped in a very narrow cabin. There only was a small round bull’s eye window like they have in those ships or submarines. However, the window was dirty and we were under the water level so barely any light could enter this cabin. It was a very dark and somewhat scary atmosphere.
After enduring those heavy emotions for several minutes, I started praying to Michael, Yeshua and Gabriel to help me to heal this trauma and shine their healing light on me. I then had an epiphany: I don’t really need to use their healing energy, I can tap into my own higher self’s limitless potential, represented of what I perceived as a Light Prism in several key visions before! I know that my soul is ancient, very powerful and has amassed a vast collection of healing frequencies. Thus, I proceeded to imagine my body as an empty glass or crystalline structure through which the full spectrum of my higher self’s light could flow freely. Subsequently, I imagined those dark traumas as a grey cloud that I would attract and absorb into my light body. At this point, it was clear that the traumas again were from the lady and I was processing them for her in my body to assist her in lightening the heavy load of her ancestral traumas.
As the higher light was flooding my body, it was resolving and breaking apart that cloud of traumas so it could be released once and for all. During deep meditation, the dark vision of the ship started to shift. I saw how a golden light was suddenly piercing through the small round bull’s eye window. It was covering my face, creating a very warm and cozy sensation. Suddenly, I saw how all windows in the entire ship were flooded at the same time with this golden light, it forcefully entered the entirety of those old structures like a wave of light overwhelming everything old and dark to transmute it into the light. All of a sudden, I found myself on the top deck of the ship, still facing the warm evening sun. I also saw that we were in beautiful crystal clear waters and a wonderful tropical beach island was close. I looked at this magnificent beach with those typical tropical palm trees and also noticed that birds were circling above us. It was an exquisite holiday location, an experience for which people would pay a lot of money, almost like paradise.
I sensed that the lady was next to me as well but she rather passively observed the situation and was not actively engaging. Moments later, I realized that there were many people on the deck of the ship, almost exclusively women. It was like a holiday cruise ship and they were in a festive mood with their towels, sunglasses and tropical cocktails. It seemed as if they were enjoying themselves and this entire experience in general. I understood that these were the female ancestors of the lady and they were now freed as well from this particular trauma that had shackled them. I proceeded to use a more interactive and conscious approach to this vision so I addressed them directly:
Ladies, listen up. You are now liberated from those traumas that kept you trapped on the lower levels of this ship. You can use this energetic divine link, to let everything go and reconnect to your divine femine. The fear you felt of being alone, lost and confused was an illusion. You alone are already complete. You are divine. You don’t need any man to give you validation or to make you feel good. You have everything you need within yourself. You now have the permission to enjoy yourself and your newly won freedom. Thank you for being part of this.
As I spoke those words, the ladies on the deck of the ship listened attentively. I felt a strong resonance during this speech. Last but not least, I saw the Tarot card “the Lovers” appear in the sky, where a woman and a man are in the Garden of Eden, both naked. The man looks at the woman and the woman looks at archangel Gabriel. I felt as this experience has unlocked some deeper insights regarding divine relationships, which are possible once those old traumas are processed.
Those feelings of being alone, lost and confused, that were induced by the tense situation with the lady, were actually what she was going through as well. There obviously are unprocessed shadows that she probably experienced too, making her feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed. But instead of wanting to face those dark emotions within, she chose to run away and to seek external comforts, e.g. in the romantic realm. This also was what I was mirroring on her. I just wanted her to be by my side to provide comfort and distraction because I was not feeling well myself. So it was actually a selfish impulse and I had several thoughts of wanting to convince her to return to work for me. It was manipulative and coming from an unhealed state, which I was aware of, so I let her be and do her thing without trying to contact her again. Ultimately, I received heavy triggers and needed to resolve part of this trauma for her.
The vision of the dark old ship is very fitting as it describes what I had been feeling really accurately: Loneliness, desperation and hopelessness. And above all, I felt a lot of fear. This trauma, represented by the vision of the ship seemed to be very real but it was only an illusion. It is only real as long as we continue to refuse to face it and to let it wash away with the divine love and higher light that is always available to us. It is our free-will choice if we face those traumas or continue to engage in those external theater plays over and over again. In any case, facing those traumas is very uncomfortable but it is not something that is actually scary. It just seems that way, as long as we run away from it. Hence, facing those traumas with courage and valor is the most liberating thing we can do. Investing in healing our deeply buried traumas actually is the best investment we could ever make.
As the trauma was being transmuted, the visual representation thereof also changed. What was a scary, cold and dark ambiance, almost like out of a horror movie, turned into a beautiful holiday location people would dream to take part in. And yet again, the female ancestors of the lady appeared as it was connected to their trauma. Through the conglomeration of very deep traumas, they all participated in seemingly never-ending cycles of living out their traumas externally, which doomed them to repeat them through the generations. In this particular case, in the past, they were unable and unwilling to look inside to face their darkest shadows and heal them. Instead, they always tried to run away and avoid them, especially through engaging in adventurous romantic relationships and the exciting rollercoaster of emotions that comes along with it. Ironically, through their unhealed state of consciousness, they were drawn to unstable, oftentimes even dangerous men, who were resonating at a similar low frequency. This created a never-ending trauma and drama cycle of disappointments, abuse and broken households. Eventually, the traumas were handed down to the next generation of girls who were experiencing traumatizing events in their early life as a consequence. It is a terrible circumstance, which the lady now has the opportunity to finally break once and for all. I only can help her in this process but first and foremost she needs to make the free-will decision to dedicate her life to this healing process.
Moreover, the lady and her grandmother have fled into a very restrictive set of religious beliefs to save them from the disastrous consequences of their negative trauma cycles. What they are unaware of is the fact that those horrible events in their female ancestral line were not caused by a lack of religious dogma and control but through the continual escalation of those negative traumas through the generations and most importantly, their unconsciousness and unwillingness to look at them. Hence it is quite ironic that the lady right now seems to go down the same road her ancestors went down, despite being very convinced and steadfast in her beliefs. Thus, I hope that this transmutation will lighten her trauma load so that she can find the willingness to start facing them again. I also sense that there still is a massive wall around her heart, which has a lot of cracks but the lady keeps holding on to it frantically. I only hope that the time will come where she will let go of her need for control and protection and let everything dark and old flow through her to clear it. It certainly will be a massive release but it is long overdue.
Last but not least, the appearance of the Tarot Lovers card is very interesting. I realized that once we are healed with a pure heart and have a strong divine connection, we can enter much better romantic relationships than those we sought out in a traumatized state. Furthermore, a romantic relationship does not need to be something dirty or shameful as religious beliefs dictate. Instead, once we are healed and balanced, we can experience a romantic relationship in all of its facets, including the physical and the sexual, and it will be a divine experience. I would even go a step further: Two healed souls engaging in sexual activities, not motivated through trauma and control but through love and dignity, will create an uplifting divine manifestation in the physical realm. Pure-hearted and conscious sexual activities are an incredibly strong force of positive transformation in this world. This is also why the lower entities, represented through our cultural controllers, have so drastically perverted and tainted the sexual act in itself so that they can channel these powerful energies towards the lower frequencies of fear, shame and guilt.