Letting go of all beliefs to reach new heights of consciousness
It has been exactly a year now that a young lady had been thrown into the project I was working on, in this community in South America. The first posts in this blog describe my dramatic journey of bubbling up traumas, deep healing and introspection. After I met her, my life never remained as it was before. She was the strongest catalyst in my spiritual awakening and in connecting with higher states of consciousness. This lady did not do it though by talking to me rationally, she always mirrored my deepest fears and traumas, which were previously hidden in the shadows so that I was not even aware of many of them. In retrospect, it seems like we were playing out a strange theater play that had the primary goal to elevate my level of consciousness as quickly as possible, by making me go through my personal hell.
We both learned a lot on our separate paths
I always sensed a strong connection between me and this lady who escaped the community about 10 months ago with her boyfriend, to live together in the next city. She always was mirroring my traumas but strangely, I never seemed to trigger her. She perceived me more as a mentor or teacher, listening to the advice I gave to her. I knew she had immense baggage of very dark traumas accumulated but was still quite “walled-in” when we last worked together. I knew she needed someone to mirror her traumas and if I was not this person, who was it? I remember as clear as day, as I was cooking something one evening, an intense revelation entered my awareness: Her boyfriend is going to be her mirror to finally break open her shell, revealing the shadows lurking in her unconsciousness! And that actually was the case. I don’t want to go into details here but both of them seemed to replay a number of traumatic situations from their family lines to bring those emotions back to the surface, to finally feel and clear them.
What is truly fascinating, that I received so many intuitions and visions about the lady. She plays an integral part in my healing journey and in my higher mission as well. I already knew a year ago, when they just left the community, that she will eventually be back here and in some way, shape or form cooperate with me in the future. This was one of the greatest challenges I ever faced because I had to surrender entirely, respecting her path at her own velocity. Even though I knew that she was still chasing illusions back then, I needed to pull back and focus on my own journey. Indeed, I managed to let go of the whole situation. I just messaged her a couple of times and we rarely talked. Mysteriously, we had several chance encounters, where she was visiting the community only briefly. A couple of months ago, she separated from her boyfriend and was ready to talk to me for an extended period of time. We talked for an hour and it was very upbeat and positive. Remnants of my old feelings for her came up in connection with a smug attitude of “I told you so”. My ego was so sure of itself and its narrow understanding of the situation. Well, the lady and her boyfriend got back together a week later! That was another intense shock for my system and a lesson to surrender even more, letting go of all expectations and the desire to “understand” it all.
Meanwhile, the crazy karmic love affair with my coworker Rosa unfolded, which brought up so many traumas that I was totally enmeshed in a dark cloud of confusion, desperation and sorrow. Weeks ago, the lady told me that she now finally separated from her boyfriend and we met for a coffee in the city. She seemed really depressed and disheartened. At this point I was in the middle of my disastrous love story with Rosa, so we talked extensively about our both’s catastrophic love lives. I felt that I could not really get through to her though, as she seemed to uphold a facade but internally had reached an absolute low point. Seeing her that way was not easy and I felt her pain as well, even though I myself was not exactly at my highest point back then. A couple of days later, as I was on a nightly walk under the stars, I received a vision about the lady. I saw an airplane that wanted to land at an airport but everything was pitch-black so the plane was unsure where to land, so it was circling around the airport. Suddenly, I saw how the guiding lights on the runway were switched on, so the plane could take down safely and at the right location. Also, the words “guidance” popped into my mind so I understood that I was supposed to guide her in some way, shape or form. But how?
Working together again
About 3 weeks back, I endured heavy setbacks in my mission for creating transparency in this project and my situation appeared dire and hopeless. I received many signs to not act in the outer world, but to go inside through prayer, meditation and reflection. I was not even thinking about the lady when she suddenly wrote me a text message that “she returned to live in this community”. At that time, I was so depressed and the situation seemed so gloomy that I could not even believe what I read. When we met, we talked about many things that had happened, but seeing her again was really uplifting for my spirit. As we laughed whole-heartedly, I suddenly found myself to be enveloped by feelings of warmth, joy and hope. Just days before I thought about leaving the project but I took this as a sign to change my plans to not go anywhere.
The lady had a strong desire to become self-sufficient and independent, so she was urgently looking for a job to earn her own money. She wanted to do work in childcare but this would be only part-time so she was asking me if I had some work for her. I initially suggested that she would work on the digitalization of a tree nursery catalog but the project founder’s wife vehemently disagreed with this idea. Initially, I wanted to push through forcefully to convince the founders of my idea but then I realized there might be divine redirection at play here, as there was a much better option, which I was unable to perceive yet. After thinking about several options, I had a massive realization: The lady can translate this Light Prism blog into the German language! In hindsight, it is so obvious. After all, once the illicit schemes in this project are exposed, this might give the people something to hold on to, to better understand the chaotically unfolding situation. Moreover, the lady would see the intricate details of our previous complex relationship, from my perspective. This might help her to reflect on some things and maybe also lead to some key insights about her own journey.
So on Monday, she started to work for me again. It has been only one week and wow, has it been intense! In the beginning, it was really uncomfortable and I felt so vulnerable as she was reading my initial blog posts where she was the main topic. She had no problem with it whatsoever, on the contrary. She even found it a little bit amusing how embarrassed I was at first. As it turned out, she is very skilled at writing, as she had been writing many short stories when she was younger. So she had no problem translating the blog posts and did a great job. Seriously, she never ceases to impress me with the profoundness of her character. We spent a lot of time together, talking about many things. Indeed, many stories seemed to trigger deep insights for her and she proceeded to ask me questions about it and related her own experiences.
A surgical removal of her hidden traumas
At the beginning of the week, I was not really sure how far she is on her healing journey. I could not see clearly yet, as I had to cut through some of my own illusions and confusions again. That said, I quickly realized that she still has immense loads of traumas, many handed over from her female ancestry line. Most of those traumas are still in the shadows and she is not even aware of them. While she has dark dreams and scary visions frequently, she has for a long while preferred to look the other way, instead of facing her demons head-on. I won’t go into details but some of her family traumas are incredibly dark so that the family traumas I have resolved look innocuous in comparison. I always had a blurry intuition of what happened to her but in the past, she was just not ready to face her traumas directly. This has changed, however, as her divine guidance has pulled a lot of strings to bring us together now to finally resolve those traumas. The following illustration shows how our traumas are clogging our lower chakras and thus preventing the unrestrained flow of energy through our emotional bodies.
The lady proceeded to tell me a lot of things about her family history, still in a very detached, unemotional, even somewhat “mechanical” way. For instance, she told me a horrible story of what happened to her during a short stay in a foster home but she talked about it as if it did not happen to her but to another person. I closed my eyes as she factually told me those gruesome details, trying to “feel into the situation”, thereby connecting into her deeply buried emotions. Certainly, a stream of very heavy emotions started flowing in. I felt extreme sadness, desperation and above all shame. In fact, shame was the dominant emotion I could identify and this was instantly confirmed through a strong energy rush in my spine. Furthermore, I received two other symbols in my mind’s eye. Firstly, I perceived an ocean that was covered by a thick layer of dark grey oil, which is what happens after the oil spills of large tanker ships. Even though the water underneath was pure and clear, no light could penetrate the oil film. Besides, the oil was damaging to other animals who came into contact with it, e.g. those innocent birds dying as they are caught up in this mess. I came to realize that this is what we are facing, i.e. her traumas are the slick layer of oil that is enveloping her still. Secondly, I saw a water well in an old dark forest. It was a rather spooky scenery which also seemed to be a bit foggy as the visibility was limited. I received a quick glance into the well but it was so scary as the well was very dark and very deep. It seemed as if I needed to go into it to resolve certain traumas, which would be a spine-chilling experience, as there is no rope at all. Thus, I could fall into the well without being able to get out ever again.
Now that I had two fitting visual representations of the traumas of the lady and her family line, I was doing another nightly walk to get some more answers on how to proceed from here. It was clear to me from the start, that I somehow needed to help her to solve these traumas, but I had no clue how. The thing is that while I have detailed expertise on healing traumas from my own journey, I did not understand how I could work together with her. One limitation is that she subscribes to a specific form of the Christian faith and strictly rejects every form of meditation and shamanism. While she is relatively open-minded, she seems to connect some irrational fears to anything which deviates from her Christian faith. For example, she clearly stated that she does not want to do any meditations. So this further complicated the whole situation and I had absolutely no clue how to help her. As I was slowly walking under the beautiful stars, a massive revelation hit like a lightning ray in my body. She does not need to dive down into her traumas, I can do it for her by connecting to her emotional energy body when she is ready and agrees to it of course. Thus, I will be able to feel her repressed emotions in my own body, so that I can process them for her.
I am not entirely sure about the details but this is a mind-boggling revelation. For a moment, I was standing there in awe, feeling the flow of energy through my body. A year ago, when we worked together, there was a very strange occurrence one day. I told the lady about one of my healing sessions with the shaman, related to my family line. She started to tell me certain things from her childhood – in the same unemotional and mechanical way as she did this week. I closed my eyes and started to go inside to connect with my higher guidance. As she cold-heartedly talked about these horrible events, I suddenly felt overwhelmingly dark emotions of fear, panic and desperation in my body. It was so intense that I started praying to Jesus to help me process these emotions. My prayers were answered and as I imagined a bright white pillar of light streaming into myself, the darkness vanished and left my system into the grounding of mother Earth. Back then, I already knew that these were not my own emotions, which I felt. The only plausible explanation was that I was feeling the repressed emotions from the lady, and I was transmuting them in my own body. I told this to the shaman, but he said this is usually not possible, especially as I was just at the beginning of my healing journey. But he added that nothing would surprise him anymore, given my unbelievably rapid trajectory. In fact, the shaman told me that I was the fastest learning student he ever had. The lady was one of the main catalysts for my accelerated awakening and there are so many mysteries between us that are still waiting to be revealed when the time has come.
During the walk, I received two more visions. Firstly, I saw 3 radio towers and what looked like intersecting circles between them – representing the technical process of triangulation. In short, when we know the exact location of three radio towers and we know our distance from each tower, we can estimate our precise location. This was often used in military settings to locate the movement of enemy troops. Secondly, I got a vision of a highly precise medical surgery to remove a tumor from the body. Naturally, the surgery can only be executed when the exact location of the tumor is known, to not damage healthy tissue. What an incredible revelation! Now I know what to do: I need to locate the traumas, who are deeply hidden in the emotional body of the lady, and then do a surgical strike to remove them. As always, the only way to remove them is to feel them in their entirety. I need to go into the deepest pits of hell, reliving certain situations of her childhood in my body in order to clear those traumas. As I type this, my intuition is giving a strong confirmation again. I need to muster immense courage to face these evils to eventually overcome them once and for all. It is no surprise that I still strongly identify myself with the role of a warrior. However, unlike in the past, where the battles were fought physically, it now happens only energetically. These are the last spiritual battles we have to fight to end the reigns of the darkness on this world, which has taken root in the shadows of our traumas like parasites.
Letting go of all beliefs
Yesterday, as the lady was translating my blog posts about my past life experiences, she started questioning me because it contradicts her belief systems. She subscribes to a specific version of Christianity, attempting to live the “original version” practiced at the early beginnings. She is aware that Christianity, as practiced today, contains many elements of paganism. For instance, the day of worship, Sunday, is named after the Egyptian God Ra (God of the sun). Earlier, the holy day used to be Saturday (Shabat in Hebrew). There are many more examples and I respect her critical mind, which is trying to find its own way independent of the mainstream. However, she just cannot come to terms with the fact that I feel strongly that my visions are related to past lives. I proceeded to tell her that I respect what she believes but I am very certain that my past visions are given so that I can document the connections of the current community and the past incarnation in the Rennaissance age. I saw her struggling with cognitive dissonance as I realized that there is no point in trying to convince her of my “beliefs”, as this would be like two Capricorns butting their heads against each other.
The lady asked me if she could give her honest opinion and I agreed. The following 5 minutes felt like a brutal attack, as heavy traumas were invoked in my body. Instead of fighting back or defending me, I completely surrendered to this process and let her talk uninterruptedly. For instance, she said that I have much deeper childhood traumas which I am not willing to face by escaping in my esoteric spiritual beliefs. She also said that my visions could come either from God or from the Devil and that I would need to study the Bible to discern the difference. She then proceeded to tell me that several other people have told her that it is clear to them that I had a horrific childhood and that I am running from something. Last but not least, she accused me of cowardice, because I would be running away from something and she obviously was much more courageous than I am. These words hit me like arrows, extremely negative emotions emerged in my body, to which I fully surrendered. I did feel the trauma in three parts: My throat felt constricted as if it was corded up, my heart area felt as if she had stuck a knife into it and my solar plexus area felt as if heavy rocks were lying in there. Without a doubt, it was obvious that she was projecting her own situation onto me, as all those accusations are true for herself. The lady hides under the protective blanket of her Christian beliefs, which is comfortable to her. She now knows my healing stories and made certain connections to her own situations but her mind intervened by rationalizing why she has to reject this “healing toolbox” which I used because it is at odds with her Christian belief structures.
I immediately realized that there is no point in arguing with her so I just kept focusing on the pain which became more intense by the minute. The lady advised me to pray to Yeshua and request his help, which I did. After a short while, my pain suddenly lightened and my hands started to feel numb. Strangely, she commented that she felt the same way. Suddenly, I received several visions: At first, I saw a mirror cabinet, like in a horror show where many distorted mirrors are showing different reflections of ourselves. Those differently distorted mirror images represent our beliefs, which we hold in the mind. The crazy thing is that people are arguing about the distorted reflections instead of trying to look deeper. Hence, when people argue about differences in their beliefs, it is actually totally pointless, similar to arguing about the shadows in Plato’s cave. As we start to notice that those reflections are illusions, we can focus on what lies underneath, which is all relating back to the person itself, who is looking in the mirror. In fact, it might be useful to look at as many different mirrors as possible because every single one of them provides us with new perspectives, lessons and insights about our journey. But we can never take those distorted reflections at face value, that would prevent us from progressing on our journey.
Suddenly, the mirrors became transparent and I saw beautiful constellations of stars shining through them. Those mirrors appeared to be like portals and as I said this, the lady had a revelation too and commented that a portal indicates rebirth and baptism. In my vision, I saw how those portals had a fluid surface with subtle ripples, like a glass bowl filled with water but those portals were standing upright, so a person could walk through them. They almost appeared to be like stargates, connected to other star systems, enabling the quick transition between different worlds. The lady said that what I describe is like baptism and rebirth. We can reach this state only when we truly believe and trust in God, it does not have to be related to certain points in life. It is always possible and only depends on our free will decision to trust in God unconditionally. I came to realize that baptism is a shocking event as we need to surrender control and we are moved by outside forces (e.g. a priest or God). We need to trust that we are safe and surrender completely but when we do so, many new doors or portals will open in our lives. In my vision, I perceived how each portal led to various other portals, it was of fractal nature and then appeared like a family tree, i.e. representing ancestral or bloodlines.
Finally, I saw how powerful white light was streaming in from above through myself. I was still standing in the middle of all those mirror portals which now appeared like doors. Suddenly, the light coming in through my body flooded all doors, smashing them wide open and propagating through all of them, illuminating the entire family tree. What a fascinating vision! And what is strange that I could access this vision without the presence of the shaman. The vision contains several hints on how to proceed with the healing of the lady’s family traumas. This was the first step, I needed to take, which is to stop focusing on the illusions of arbitrary beliefs held by our minds. I certainly need to dig deeper and directly access the underlying emotions. This will break the illusion and open a lot of new doors and opportunities. Needless to say, there was a massive learning experience for me as well. I now acknowledge the fact that my own spiritual beliefs are limiting and preventing further growth. Because beliefs are like a supporting cage or a toddler’s fenced crib. At some point, we’ve outgrown it and they become limiting. I have reached this point now. It is time to let go of all beliefs and open up even more to the divine flow, which is magically guiding me like a boat is floating upstream.