It is never too late for divine redemption

It is never too late for divine redemption

I finally understood that all the suffering I experienced with Rosa was for my highest good by helping me to grow immensely. A new perspective opened where I recognized Gretchen, another important ally.

In the last post, I have described how the king and his henchmen have launched a surprising attack on me and my team, taking out one of my best knights. The situation is seemingly dire as the king now feels very safe and over-confident. Meanwhile, I finally recognized the actual role that Rosa has been playing in my life. Finally, some new doors have been opening for me and some old allies revealed themselves.

Rosa’s betrayal and my gruesome fate

Two weeks ago, I asked Rosa if she would help me to expose the king’s corruption. I mentioned that we would need to “overcome” whatever this was between us and work together (see Rosa could not relate to what I said and behaved as if nothing was happening. I send her a long message, which she did not respond to. I still had an enormous level of confusion regarding Rosa, I just did not understand what her role in my life was. It was so frustrating! I was forced again to do deep introspection and heavy shadow work. A lot of old traumas were triggered and on a Sunday afternoon, I decided to watch the movie Braveheart with Mel Gibson again. In this movie, Mel Gibson is leading the Scottish army against the powerful English crown to ultimately achieve freedom for his people. As he is just a commoner, he depends on the Scottish nobility, who however do not share his vision and instead just look for their own personal advantages. It is a classical archetypical example of service to self versus service to others to achieve a higher good. In the end, Mel Gibson is betrayed by the Scottish nobility who sell out to the English king. Thus, the Scottish rebellion ends as Mel Gibson is brought to England to be eventually publically tortured and executed.

Despite his gruesome torture, Mel Gibson stands unyieldingly for the higher values for the people of Scotland.

Throughout the movie, a lot of my internal emotions were brought to the surface. The torture scene was hard to bear though, I even had the impulse to turn off the movie as incredibly dark feelings emerged in my body. I decided to face those feelings and endured the gruesome torture scene. The evoked trauma in my body felt like heavy bricks lying inside of my stomach, it was tough. During the torture, the English give multiple opportunities for Mel Gibson to beg for mercy. He does not do so and instead shouts out “freedom!” with all of his remaining strength. To his last breath, he does not compromise his higher principles. He dies as a martyr and remains a shining example of Scottish independence. Eventually, the Scottish king, who has been rewarded the crown for betraying Mel Gibson, decided to rise up against the English. He finally decided to forgo his personal advantages and to risk everything for the greater good of his people. Inspired and with an unshakeable thirst for freedom, the Scottish fought like madmen and defeated the superior English army in this decisive battle. As a consequence, the Scottish people finally had reached their goal of becoming independent of the English crown. It was an unprecedented achievement, which has been paid for through a lot of selfless sacrifice to a higher purpose.

The movie Braveheart had triggered so many traumas in my body, especially those of my gruesome humiliation at the pillory in the past life (see What was also invoked was a feeling of betrayal. Many people, but especially Rosa, have betrayed me by choosing their personal safety and advantage over our mission for a higher good. The king in the Renaissance period incarnation was as ruthless and cunning as the English king in Braveheart. He managed to turn Rosa against me by offering her and her family many advantages. Of course, Rosa was trying to save herself and her family as well but it is a very heavy trauma I needed to face. I meditated on those heavy emotions and decided to forgive Rosa for what she has done. An intense emotional purging happened, as tears were uncontrollably streaming down my face. The remaining day, I needed to spend in bed as my body was processing many more heavy energies from the past. I felt exhausted and absolutely depleted but this clearing was necessary, it was long overdue.

Rosa’s role is to trigger me through hell and back

After these shocking events, I was desperately hoping for a silver lining. On Friday afternoon, shortly before the end of work, I went to the founder’s office. I needed to manage paperwork and I was hoping that I could have a word with Rosa to ask for her assistance. I always had this idea in my mind that Rosa and I needed to work together to set the king check-mate. In a vision received in my last shamanic session (see I realized that Rosa and I are both rooks in this chess game and we set the king together by pinning him in the corner. For that chess move to work, both rooks have to cooperate of course. I mean, I already pushed the king into the corner by overcoming all of his previous attacks so now Rosa just would need to help me to finally set him checkmate. Interestingly, Rosa was alone in the office and waiting for a vehicle to pick her up. It is strange because I never encountered her alone and in a relaxed state as she is always extremely busy. I used this rare opportunity to ask for her help. Firstly, I apologized for the dramatic message I sent her two weeks ago (see To my surprise, she could not remember the message – she really had no idea what I meant and looked confused. I showed her the message on my phone and she admitted that she did not read it at all. I felt a mixture of relief, anger and confusion. I felt relieved because my message originated from a hurt state and had a manipulative undertone. I felt angry because Rosa apparently does not seem to care at all about me personally and my higher mission, to achieve justice. Last but not least, I felt confused because the situation went totally different than I anticipated. I just could not see clearly yet and this also seemed to stir up old traumas again. Anyways, I proceeded to quickly explain the situation to Rosa: She knows a lot of things but the project founders don’t want to believe her. I have other information yet cannot get through to them either. So if we work together, we could convince them of the corruption. Rosa immediately backed off, saying that she only has suspicions and no real proof. I replied that I have a plan on how to trap them into revealing their own corruption but I would just need to know more details.

Thus, I asked Rosa if we can meet in private on the weekend so that we can exchange what we know. I emphasized that the meeting would just be about work and not a romantic date like I attempted last time. And I really meant that, as I had overcome the vast majority of my neurotic romantic feelings for her. The last weeks had been very rough as I processed a lot of extremely dark feelings all relating to our failed love affair in the past life. On the bright side, this shows that I have come a long way when I am able to ask Rosa for a meeting without having ulterior motives. Rosa backed down again and said she is usually very busy and travels to other cities on the weekends. I replied that as we cannot talk during the week, it will be thus impossible to talk at all about those things. Rosa replied that then it is this way and she can’t help it. She added that maybe at some point in the future, we can talk about it but she does not know when. As I know that her family is very important to Rosa, I mentioned the situation with Andrew, who is the boyfriend of her cousin. I explained how they created a narrative to force Andrew out of the company and asked Rosa what she thinks about that. She just responded that “Andrew had a bad attitude and deserved it”. At that point, the car pulled up in front of the office and Rosa stormed out, ending the conversation. I stumbled out of the office and was standing there for a few moments utterly flabbergasted.

Rosa’s role was to trigger me to hell and back, bringing my darkest shadows to the surface to achieve the fastest possible growth.

As always, Rosa behaved totally different than I anticipated. I went on a long walk under the stars but I felt absolutely defeated and devastated. My body was terribly weak to the point where I could barely lift my feet of the ground. I walked slowly, stumbling through the rugged landscape in confusion and despair. What had just happened? What did I get wrong this time? After more than half an hour, I reached a lake where the full moon was beautifully reflected in the water. I paused and watched this scenery in awe. Suddenly, a vision flashed in front of my mind’s eye: I was inside of a collapsing building, everywhere was dust and rubble and I could not see far ahead. However, there was a faint light in the distance which I could follow. This light relates to another person who has recently entered my life again (I will talk about it another time). Subsequently, I told myself I have no clue what Rosa’s role is in this game but everything she does is helping me to grow. Out of a sudden, I saw the vision of the chessboard again (see and realized that Rosa and I don’t necessarily need to check-mate the king at all! As the vision showed, my figure of the rook is growing through each chess move by absorbing and transmuting the dark energies around it. Eventually, the rook will become so tall that it reaches the height of the enlightened mountain to be connected permanently to this higher energy source – which represents the 5D energy. Once this connection happens, it is basically game over for the 3D chessboard because massive amounts of light will be flooding in to wash away and dissolve all remaining darkness.

In other words, I (or more precisely my ego based on old shadows) have had a distorted view of the entire situation with Rosa. Maybe her role is not at all to cooperate with me directly. Instead, she is pushing all of my buttons to trigger the hell out of me (literally!) so that I can overcome my shadows, incorporate more higher-dimensional energies to grow taller and taller. For several weeks now, Rosa has figuratively kicked my butt by triggering one core trauma after the other. More than 6 weeks ago, I wanted to cut the energetic cords with Rosa to finally get over our karma “to ready myself for the finale” (see I got it all wrong though! Each time Rosa made me go through hell was actually a divine gift and absolutely necessary for me to grow. It is a harsh truth but the fastest way to grow for us as humans is through extreme suffering. Almost exactly one year ago, another lady was pushing my triggers to break me down entirely (see but now Rosa took over this task. The good news is: After all of this is over, when I finally overcome those traumas with Rosa, I will be grateful that she triggered me, thereby helping me to grow immensely in such a short amount of time. Finally, I have shed yet another layer of trauma and ego. I feel that I am much closer now to the fulfillment of my core mission. With regards to Rosa, I have far fewer expectations now and will simply let it all flow in total surrender according to the divine plan.

Another hint from the Book of Changes (I-Ching)

I received an unexpected message from my friend, the shaman. He asked me for a status update and told me that he had a vision of me and my current situation. Because he was a bit worried, he asked the Book of Changes (I-Ching) for advice, which gave me highly important strategical advice several weeks back. This time, the shaman obtained the hexagram 2 (Kun): The Receptive as shown below:

Hexagram 2 (Kun, The Receptive) advises me to totally let go of any impulse to control the situation, opening myself up completely for everything which is trying to flow into my life. Furthermore, I shall not lead but follow what others around me are suggesting. Building in solitude with quiet perseverance and finding new allies is another key hint, see
Furthermore, I certainly am in the “hour of toil and effort” as Rosa has backed off, refusing to assist me at this current point in time. There is a profound confusion of which actions I should take right now. Hence, the advice is to reorient to find other friends and allies, leaving old ones behind. Lastly, I need to have a lot of solitude to gather strength and inspiration for what is to come.
Lastly, this additional advice appeared, mentioning two dragons. The dark element represents the king and his henchmen, who corruptly rule through manipulation and deceit instead of serving their inferiors. Consequently, a dragon from heaven will fight the false dragon in a bloody contest where both dragons suffer injuries.

This is very interesting and again in opposition to what my ego wanted to do. Due to the heinous attack of the king against one of my team members last week, I had a strong wish to fight back against the king, revealing more of his corruption and dirty schemes. However, the Book of Changes clearly advises me to do the absolute opposite: Completely surrender to what is happening in total acceptance of the situation. After all, hexagram 2 is a feminine symbol, standing for Earth and passive reception of everything which is flowing our way. Fascinatingly, it also contains the advice to find new friends in the West, while foregoing those in the East. The office of the project founders is on the right side, those of the director on the left when entering the premises. And indeed, I seemed to have lost an ally as Rosa is backing off but I also realized that there is another ally in the office of the project director: Gretchen, as explained later.

Besides, the advice is to keep building with diligent effort to advance our mission but without directly fighting the opponents. It is more a time of quiet preparation and patient perseverance. Spending a lot of time inside, in solitude to reorient and refocus is also key here. Lastly, additional advice about two fighting dragons was given. The false dragon of the dark clearly is the king who elevates himself over others, ruling through manipulation and deceit instead of serving his inferiors. This abuse of power draws in strong forces, i.e. the dragon from heaven, which consequently starts fighting the false dragon. Both dragons will shed blood and suffer injuries. My interpretation of this passage is that the corrupt actions of the king will draw in others, who will start to oppose him. It could be outside forces or even the project founder, who start to enter a battle with the king – a brutal battle where both forces suffer drastic losses. In light of this insight, it makes much more sense for me to stand at the sidelines right now to observe the unfolding events, not to be drawn into this battle and receiving even more damage. I can use this time to build and heal, readying myself for future opportunities. I strongly feel that there will be a time to strike against the king but this time has not yet come.

Meet Gretchen, an old friend and ally

Taking the advice from the Book of Changes, my focus shifted away from Rosa. One evening, it all clicked and I made a new connection: Rosa is not the only person who was working together with me in the past to reveal the king’s corruption! There is another lady, Gretchen, who has been working diligently in the background all this time where my distorted, traumatized focus was still on Rosa. Gretchen is now incarnated as a Spanish-speaking woman, even though she was a German woman in the past life. I first met her in March of this year in the office of the project director. She was tasked to work on the topic of invoicing, a very important topic as it turned out! From the first moment I saw her, I immediately liked her. Gretchen’s mannerisms and her energy seemed uncannily familiar. It was as if I was meeting an old friend. She has this aura of righteous innocence, as she always assumes the best but very diligently works towards achieving a positive outcome. Compared to some other ladies in the director’s office, she appears to be much lighter and unburdened. From the first moment I saw her, we were close yet have been having a very professional relationship, unlike the dramatic rollercoaster I had been experiencing with Rosa.

I recognized another lady from my previous incarnation, Gretchen. She carries an uncanny echo to the love affair in Goethe’s Faust. There is a much deeper meaning in this, which will be explored in a future post.

Gretchen often helped me by providing the right information at the right time. At some point, she was even sent to the city office to complete a 6-week training course to get to know all their processes and systems. What a coincidence! Gretchen always was my primary contact when I needed to know something about the invoicing processes. She always tried to answer honestly to the best of her knowledge. She provided us with her unfiltered truth, trying to advance our project and to solve problems and misunderstandings. Gretchen always assumed the best, so for instance, she said that the people in the city office are just very disorganized and chaotic. She did not even entertain the possibility that they would go so low to enrich themselves by rigging the processes in their favor. This naive outlook of Gretchen ensured her neutrality and impartiality. Thus, she collected a lot of important data points, which will be of great importance in the near future. As I was writing this, I remembered that in the book Faust by Goethe, Gretchen was the name of the protagonist’s love affair. It was an extremely dramatic neurotic love affair similar to what Rosa and I experienced but mirrored. This of course is no coincidence and will be explored in the next blog post.

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