Overcoming my deepest fears to fulfill my divine mission
In the last post, I described how the events of my current life (in this community in South America) reflect what happened in a very important previous incarnation in the Rennaissance period in Hessen, Germany: https://lightprism.net/2021/06/04/when-we-maintain-a-high-vibration-victory-is-certain/
I basically could not fulfill my mission of exposing the cesspit of corruption of the king (who is now the project director) because I was fallen in love head-over-heels with my coworker Rosa (also my coworker right now). Rosa and I were supposed to collect evidence to convince my parents (who are now the project founders) of the king’s corruption so that it could be exposed and eradicated once and for all. Unfortunately, Rosa and I could not work together well because unresolved romantic feelings interfered. At some point, the king realized what we had been doing and started to frame me for adultery and having relations with a commoner (I was of nobility and Rosa was a commoner, albeit of a higher administrative class). That way, the corruption remained hidden in the shadows and the entire project failed. Instead of innovation, prosperity and progress, this marked the commencement of a period of chaos, destruction and suffering.
In the past life, Rosa and I never actually had sexual relations, it was just a very difficult romance with lots of ups and downs and massive confusion. As I was executed on the gallows, many of those complicated feelings between Rosa and me remained unresolved. We actually never had the chance to talk about it all and make amends. It is the deepest trauma I have been carrying around, it was weighing on my shoulders like a massive trainload, pulling me down. But now the time has finally come to replay those individual steps of the romance between Rosa and me. So that we finally can understand it, learn from it and act better this time – to reach a higher timeline and a better future.
The king is cornered
Due to my work of implementing the digitalization of business processes in this project, I have stumbled upon massive corruption (see https://lightprism.net/2021/05/17/preparing-for-the-epic-finale-of-cosmic-justice/). In the past weeks, I have been collecting a lot of information by talking to several people who knew about the corruption but were fired once they tried to expose it. As described in the other post, they already tried to fire me as well by making up false allegations of sexual assault. It failed spectacularly though because I talked to the project founders before they could execute their plans. Hence, they changed their strategy to try to block and delay the progress of our current implementation. I had a verbal agreement with the project director (the king in the past life) that we would present the results of the system and the next steps at the end of May. I tried to schedule meetings with his secretaries but strangely, the director never had time for it. A week later on Thursday (Thor’s day), I tried to schedule a meeting again, only to get the same response. I was fed up and decided that I would present it only to the project founders directly, without the director. The project founders (my parents in the previous life) desperately want to have a digital system to have better control over the business processes, so they pressured the director to have a meeting in the afternoon. The meeting with the founders, their son (my brother in the past life) and the director lasted for an hour and was very intense. The director presented one straw-man argument after the other to create as much confusion as possible, in order to delay the progress of our efforts. For instance, he mentioned that our software is not approved for legal invoicing in this country. I realized what he was doing and immediately intervened, by saying that we already had contact with companies who use this software for invoicing purposes. He proceeded with this strategy with several stories in an attempt to sweep it all under the carpet. Strong anger bubbled up from deep inside of me and I strongly argued against the director’s points. The founders were intensely listening to what I had to say and the director could not easily “shut me up” as he did in the past. Moreover, I had prepared a very detailed report about the system implementation as well as all suspicious findings in this process, even naming those who tried to interrupt us (without making concrete allegations of course). The director and his henchmen are cornered.
About 2 hours after this meeting, I had a request to view my Instagram account by one of the leading lawyers in this company, who is known to be the right-hand man of the director. I already was told by others that this lawyer had gained massive wealth in the past 3 years and just started to build his second mansion in the next city. No surprise that he is arrogant and prideful enough to show up his recent wealth gains for the world to see. I also knew that this lawyer had issued threats against one of the ex-employees. The thing is that I already had the lawyer’s wife on Instagram, so if he just wanted to view my photos he could have used her account. Thus, I interpreted this as a subtle thread to back off and leave their dirty schemes in the dark. The next day, I spoke to the founders about this event and told them everything I knew about the lawyer. However, they did not want to hear those allegations against “one of our most successful lawyers” and said that I needed proof to support these statements. They acknowledged though that it is extremely strange that the lawyer tried to add me on Instagram just two hours after our meeting with the director. I said I feel this is a subtle threat and they thanked me for informing them about this occurrence.
A few days after this on Tuesday, I was invited to a meeting in the director’s house. All of the key people from the “city office” were present and I am sure the majority of them are involved in those illicit schemes. The meeting was very formal, yet severe tension was in the air. They basically informed me that the other ERP system, which was delayed for more than a year now, suddenly was ready and the IT guy from the city office is going to install it everywhere – beginning next week! What a coincidence, the other system is magically ready just as our implementation has proven successful. For 60 days, our two systems are supposed to be run in parallel and finally, the better system will be selected. They felt very confident as the director said that the other system should be superior, as it can also incorporate accounting functionality (e.g. adding invoices). I interfered and said that our system has this functionality too and we already verified it – at this moment I saw how some of their same faces warped into a state of shock, even only for a short moment. Of course, it was clear to me what they were trying to achieve with this new strategy. Firstly, they want to block us from expanding our software into other areas, especially invoicing of purchases. Secondly, they want to regain control using their software, which is supposed to be managed by the IT guy from the city office. The tone of the meeting was very soft and careful. The project director did not attack or confront me in any way, he was overtly polite and formal. I guess they realized that every attempt to pressure or threaten me would backfire massively. Nevertheless, I noticed how the whole meeting appeared to be like a theater play. Everything seemed scripted as if they had practice exactly how it would go down and who would say what. Later that day, I had a massive revelation of how positive this development actually is: This is their last chess move, they are cornered. We can now pin them down to end this game and resolve the chessboard of duality once and for all.
Rosa and I need to collaborate to fulfill this mission
Later that week, I discussed several options on how to proceed strategically to regain the upper hand in this. We had several people in mind, with whom we could implement our system to digitalize their processes. Most of the colleagues we talked to showed little interest or had other excuses. I noticed a strong undercurrent of fear in most of the employees. Many of them are afraid to lose their jobs, as many before had been kicked out without any previous announcement. Thus, most are just trying to do what they’re told without standing out negatively or even positively. It is a culture that is not exactly conducive to performance and innovation. Last but not least, the only person which remained was Rosa. She has a unique position, as she is protected by the project founders and has an excellent track record of work results. She has been demonstrating an extraordinary level of discipline and determination and single-handedly improved several of the internal processes. I decided to talk to Rosa asking her about her involvement in the purchase processes. She explained everything in detail and we used some of her invoicing documents to charge into our system. The next day, I caught Rosa in passing at the founder’s house to have a short conversation in private. I told her about the cesspit of corruption that I had discovered in the purchasing department. She just replied that she already knows everything about it. From her own experience, by interacting with the purchasing department, she often noticed irregularities and strange behaviors (e.g. unwillingness to provide invoices, etc). Rosa also told me that she tried to point out the corruption to the project founders but they did not want to listen. Before we could continue, she was interrupted again by another lady from the office. What a surprise! I certainly underestimated Rosa. I remembered the vision I got in a shamanic session 2 months ago, where Rosa and I were the two rooks setting the cornered king “check-mate”: https://lightprism.net/2021/04/13/divine-absolution-and-the-ultimate-promotion-of-the-highest-honor/
It could not have been clearer now: Rosa and I would need to cooperate in fulfilling our mission of setting the king check-mate. However, I still felt that there are so many unresolved things between us as I had been through a crazy rollercoaster of emotions with her. I have described my feelings and the dramatic events with Rosa in many posts. My intuition confirmed to me several times, that she also had strong fluctuations of feelings, even though she always puts on a very tough facade. For instance, she felt a strong fear when I invited her on a date so she just did not show up and later lied about it (https://lightprism.net/2021/04/02/my-ascent-through-the-valley-of-death/). I knew that I had to speak to Rosa to clear what has been between us so that we can focus on our highly challenging mission and can have each other’s back. Thus, a couple of days later, I talked to Rosa, who was guiding newly arrived guests to their rooms. I told her that it is been a rollercoaster of emotions and that I realized we have to work together to expose the corruption, thus overcoming the past. I also pointed out that I know it was confusing for Rosa as well, e.g. that she did not forget our date but was afraid to come. Rosa looked at me confused for a moment but then regained her professional composure and told me that “there has never been anything between us”, so I don’t need to worry. Just as I wanted to proceed, we were interrupted again by another employee who requested a key from Rosa. We could not even talk for 5 minutes uninterrupted, it was annoying and I was utterly confused. I had the impression she is running away from something and I was missing something big about the whole situation. I went back to my room to meditate, I was totally exhausted and perplexed. As I was processing a lot of trauma, at some point I received a sudden understanding: Rosa is afraid. She is running away from her emotions, trying to avoid and suppress them. Later that night, I was on a long walking meditation under the stars but did not get much clarity either. At some point, I got really angry at Rosa because her unprocessed feelings are jeopardizing the mission. Her feelings do exist even if she tries to suppress them and they will make her act out in unconscious ways, e.g. by avoiding me or not reacting to my requests, when I need her help. It was frustrating! As I came back to my room, I wrote her a detailed message:
Hi Rosa, how are you? We couldn’t finish our conversation earlier. The truth is that it’s a pity we can’t talk without a hurry. Anyway, my plan is to reveal everything. I have to convince the founders of the project that these problems exist before they will accept my strategy. I tried to do that before, but they didn’t believe me (the “king” always has good excuses and they trust him too much). You also tried to mention those problems, but they didn’t believe you.
Therefore, if we combine our forces, we have a real chance to convince them. I realized that you have a unique position, protected by the founders and you know many details from first-hand experience. It’s your decision and if you don’t want to get involved in this and continue business as usual, that’s fine with me. I respect whatever you decide. That said, I will never accept this situation. As I am close to the founders and know how much they struggled, how many sacrifices they made to bring this vision to reality. I will try everything in my power to open their eyes to the truth so that things can get better. I am sure that the project can never prosper if these problems are not eliminated. In the last year, I have found God again and I am 100% dedicated to carrying out this mission. I will not be intimidated or threatened (well, they tried that already, haha). I will never surrender.”
The entire night, my body processing a lot of trauma. A lot of heavy feelings of fear, sadness and helplessness were processed in my heart chakra region. It was really intense and I still had no clarity. In the morning, as I woke up, suddenly I had a massive realization: Rosa is mirroring my behavior in the past life! Back then, I was suppressing my emotions for her, denying their existence and acting as if everything was normal. That was part of the problem, which caused this mess because those complicated emotions were still there and interfering with our mission. Isn’t it strange that we often rather prefer physical suffering than to face our own emotions? At this point, I accepted the situation for what it is and tried to surrender to it. I just had one wish: I wanted to speak to Rosa in private and tell her the truth about my feelings for her, without having any expectations of reciprocity. I just had this strong desire to have her know the truth. It suddenly occurred to me that our roles were reversed in the past life: She often tried to talk to me but never got the chance to tell me about her true feelings. At some point, I was executed and we carried this unresolved burden over into the current life.
As the day passed, Rosa did not respond at all to my message. I saw that she read it but did not respond. I was hoping that I finally would get clarity because I initially planned to talk to the founders later that day. However, there was something massive which I was not seeing. Around midday, Rosa still did not answer me and I was overwhelmed by feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. I already thought to myself “screw this, screw the mission” and went to bed. Also, my body felt lowkey sick, so I could not eat anything during the day. It was strange as if my body was forcing me to rest and to wait. I can’t remember when was the last time I had been feeling this low, as my body was flooded with emotions of desperation, worry and grief. At some point in the evening, I finally got it: I never talked with Rosa about our strange rollercoaster relationship before, so when I mentioned that I still had feelings for her, this stirred up some unresolved, covered-up feelings in Rosa as well. She had pushed those feelings away before, always trying to run away or distracting herself with work or other activities. Needless to say, I can now understand that she probably is overwhelmed and confused as well. We will see how things play out. I still have the intuition that all is going according to a higher plan, which I don’t understand yet. Still, I am unsure of how to proceed. My intuition tells me to wait a few days to see what will happen.