We cannot help others if we are not practicing self-care
A while back, my partner from a previous lifetime in Middle Age Germany, Maria, entered my life to turn everything upside down. There have been so many things happening. In short, Maria and I closed several negative Karmic cycles and also started to help others:
Following my intuition to help others
I am still living in this rural community in South America where a father with his sons arrived here many months ago. The father was actually supposed to lead a complex technological project, yet after my first conversation with him, I got to know that he neither has any degree nor work experience in this area. In fact, my gut feeling when talking with him was very negative, I was being repelled by him like two negative magnet poles are repelling each other. Something about him seemed off: While he appeared to be very nice and polite at first sight, his mannerisms were actually very childish and immature. As I found out later, he had certain addictions and many personal problems. I could not wrap my mind around how he was chosen as the leader of a complex technological project? I was puzzled. Unfortunately, his sons who were supposed to work on the project with his father were not qualified either. Neither of them had a completed university degree, or any degree whatsoever. 2 of the sons did not even work regularly, while they were still back in Europe. Actually, they all are really nice good-hearted people, but they were totally unsuited for the intended job, especially as they lacked any form of disciplined work ethic. The first 2 months they were just living in a hotel, doing nothing except hanging around and partying. I always maintained a distance from them because this all seemed alarming to me, like a trainwreck in slow motion.
At some point, I found out that Maria, my partner from a previous incarnation in the Middle Ages, actually is in a relationship with one of them (https://lightprism.net/2020/12/09/encountering-my-past-lifes-partner-in-this-current-incarnation/). What a shock that was! Especially because Maria mirrored a lot of my behaviors from the past incarnation to me, such as betrayal and unfaithfulness. In essence, she invoked feelings inside of me, which I had inflicted onto her in that past incarnation. Back then, things went South in a terrible downward spiral but this time I had the opportunity to just feel my emotions, process them and surrender to God. Eventually, I made peace with the situation and moved on. Maria and I did not have much contact after these karmic clearings had happened.
A few weeks later, I did a group meditation, where suddenly a strange thought entered my mind like a lightning bolt hitting a tree: Why not ask 2 of the sons to work on a project with me? At first, this seemed utterly ridiculous, at least for my rational mind:
- “Why should I waste my time with them?”
- “They are probably going to leave anyway!”
- “I should focus on more important things”
These are some examples of thoughts that my ego-mind generated. However, I already was aware that the rational mind is highly limited and short-sighted, as it can only assess situations based on what it already knows. Hence, by definition, we will be stuck in the past if we are just relying on the mind. In contrast, the intuition generated from the heart is much more intelligent, forward-looking and oriented to the “big picture” as it is strongly connected to higher realms. That said, the heart often is much vaguer as well, communicating to us in foggy imagery and subtle feelings. Often, we just don’t comprehend the insights generated by our intuition. It does not make sense at the current moment, because it is novel information that we can only understand in hindsight.
As this insight during the meditation was so clear and strong, I decided to trust my higher guidance and ask the 2 sons if they wanted to work with me. They immediately agreed, even though they were a bit insecure. But they were looking for something all along but could not connect to anything or anyone offering them work previously. At first, I wanted to teach them to work with metal, so I pushed back my other projects to work together with them on installing some metal sheet roofs. I was really surprised about how much craftsmanship both of them have as their hidden talents were shining through momentarily. I was pleasantly surprised! While their attitudes and work ethic were almost unbearable to me, this was a silver lining. My intuition and higher guidance were right again (Note to myself: I really need to learn to trust my intuition unconditionally).
During the breaks at work, I tried to instill them some of the concepts that my father had taught me, which I am eternally grateful for. For instance, it is of key importance to first do work and then leisure. This belief is so ingrained in me that I can’t enjoy a day off if I have unfinished business. Furthermore, I told them that we need to separate work into important processes and focus on finishing them, thus creating measurable progress. Because that is the only thing people care about: Results! They absorbed everything I said and listened attentively. They actually had very good ideas and suggestions on their own and were able to finish parts of the project when I was absent.
After completing the metal roofing, we wanted to continue with another project but did not have the material delivered yet. So what to do now? Surprisingly, during the next mediation, I received another “insight”: Why not create furniture from scrap metal and wood and sell it in an auction? I was literally flabbergasted! An auction, seriously? What a strange idea! However, after thinking about it a little bit, it was actually ingenious: We could create value from old scrap parts, sell them to people, the project gets positive publicity, and they learn to sell their work getting rewarded instantly. Another idea came to mind, that we could use a percentage of the auction’s earnings to fund a charitable project. And the right project appeared just one week later: An Austrian couple wanted to create a modern stylish coffee bar but had a lot of uncertainties and hurdles in their path. Including them in our auction gave them a lot of support and free publicity as well – a massive win/win for everybody. Eventually, the auction turned out as a phenomenal success, everything went smoothly and it was a rewarding event for my 2 employees. It was a strange yet liberating feeling that they could make something out of cheap material with their bare hands, sell it to an audience, and get paid for it. They were not used to this and obviously very uncomfortable standing in front of a crowd but pulled it through anyways. After all, I was there as well, guiding them during the auction, giving them little pushes here and there. The great thing is: After the auction, they immediately received two more orders to fabricate other furniture. This possibly could have been the beginning of a great career!
Well, I was a bit too optimistic, I guess. After the auction, they rested on their laurels and did not continue with the other projects. In fact, they barely worked for one day during the entire week. There were a lot of excuses, like a birthday celebration, bad weather and them “feeling unwell” (or maybe just hungover). On Friday, as they also did not show up for work, I almost exploded in rage and told them to come to me immediately. I felt such a strong sense of anger in my body but there was a reason for it. So instead of trying to push away the emotion as I would have done in the past, I just let it flow through my body while speaking to them. I did not shout at them but I was VERY direct in my delivery, which is very out of the ordinary for me (as I outwardly appear mostly very balanced and mild-mannered). For example, I asked them how they think they will accomplish anything with their catastrophic work ethic? As they also have little savings, I told them they’ll probably end up in the streets if they don’t get their shit together. Moreover, they should detach themselves from their father and focus on their own paths. After all, they were giving a lot of help and support by many people. Their laziness and “Laissez-faire” attitude is a slap in the face of those supporting them, giving them one chance after the other. Furthermore, I told them that they need to learn to organize their own work and become more self-responsible, as I don’t have time to check in on them all the time.
At first, they were really shocked as they did not experience this harshness from me. And probably nobody had told them these truths in such a straightforward, unfiltered manner. My whole body was vibrating during my “angry speech”, like having a strong electric current flowing through it. As I noticed this, I took this as a divine confirmation that those 2 guys needed to hear it this way! I was guided once again yet in a totally different manner. It goes to show how valuable our emotions actually are, with respect to guiding us towards a higher purpose.
Stepping into a great prestige project
A week later during another group meditation, I actually received another project idea: We could use solar panels and build a metal trailer to use as a mobile solar generator. We had many old solar models in stock, so this was an excellent idea. The 2 guys actually worked quite well on this project, they started to develop more discipline and self-responsibility and I did not need to interfere much. Later on, the owner of the coffee bar, whom we supported with a part of the auction earnings, gave us another order to produce furniture for his coffee bar. It was again another great opportunity for my 2 employees to obtain a customer base by delivering high-quality craftmanship to one of the flagship projects here. I knew this job was really important but I trusted them to deliver in time. As I had a lot of other projects to care for, I could not check in on their work a lot but was sure they are going to do a good job. Oh boy was I mistaken! One Friday evening, they left a wooden board outside which almost got soaked during a heavy rain shower later that day, if the coffee bar owner and his wife did not rescue it in time. Also, on Monday morning at 10 am my employees were nowhere to be found. I just encountered the owner of the coffee bar who was really angry about the incident with the wooden board. I suddenly felt a mixture of extreme emotions, rapidly oscillating between betrayal, frustration, rage and hopelessness.
How could they let me down so spectacularly after all that I have done for them? Didn’t they realize the huge opportunity which was gifted to them? Why are they not valuing work, instead of fall back to their old patterns of sloth and irresponsibility? I instantly drove to their house where I saw Maria and her boyfriend standing at the door. I was so angry that I did not give them a chance to say anything but only could shout things at them. Maria was obviously shocked by the situation and did not know how to react. Her boyfriend was just standing there frozen with a guilty look on his face. His brother came out of the house as well only to be reprimanded harshly by me, before I left the scene again. Later that day, the coffee bar owner reprimanded them as well, trying to make them understand the gravity of the whole situation. A lot of other people, who previously always defended them (e.g. because of their “difficult childhood”), also lost patience and could not tolerate their victim mentality anymore. That seems to be a common pattern currently: With the rising frequencies people seem to stop tolerating low-vibrational patterns such as victimhood, deception and manipulation.
Feeling betrayed and overwhelmed
For me personally, there was a strong karmic component: It was the strongest betrayal I have ever felt in this lifetime. Moreover, I felt that I took so much load onto my shoulders, making so many sacrifices for others and for the project here, while personally missing out on things I so deeply desire – especially romantic relationships. Yes, that is the key to my frustration actually, that from my point of view, I always seem to walk the higher path, following my guidance, while others around me are falling in love and get lost in their romantic relationships. After all, I have desires too, yet I am always pushed to the edge of my comfort zone. There are no comfortable romantic relationships in which I could escape from facing my shadows. It is not that I did not have any offers, au contraire! But the ladies interested in me just did not resonate at all. And those ladies, like Maria and Rosa, with whom I felt an intimate soul connection, always stirred up the darkest shadows from within my deepest inner self, in brutally mirrored replays of our past life’s experiences. It almost seems my higher self has other plans for me…
And that exactly is the point! My intuition has clearly signaled me a sense of urgency to prepare for massive challenges in the near future in this community. Thus, I feel that I receive the most intense deep cleansing program, like a washing machine in the highest setting. The goal is to shake me up and bring as many old stuck emotional trauma patterns to the surface as possible, to be able to finally clear them. The more I can clear, the more I can reach a state of neutrality to become the eye of the storm in the upcoming events. The more neutral I am, the clearer I can perceive the situations and make the best possible choices to steer onto the highest timelines.
There was another important karmic lesson in this story. Sometimes, our desire to help others can actually delay their growth, as they are shielded from negative experiences from which they would learn important lessons. What I did with the two guys is akin to the archetype of the overprotective mother who clings onto her son after reaching adulthood. As a consequence, the son will not develop his full masculine potential but instead remain in a childlike stunted state. A fitting analogy is a tree that grows but is always remaining in the same small pot. Only when it is planted in the ground can it spread its roots and grow. I cared too much for the 2 guys and did many things for them which they should have done themselves. In general, I efforted too much, wanting to push them ahead instead of letting them swim on their own.
Of course, there also is a past life karmic lesson I became aware of: Maria and her boyfriend enjoying the romantic love affair, forgetting about important projects is exactly what I did in the past incarnation in the Middle Ages. I betrayed Maria and had a passionate affair with Rosa. Back then, Maria had a strong divine connection and tried to drag us all along to bring the higher mission to completion. However, she thereby totally neglected her own feelings and desires. I now understand how she actually felt, after what I did to her. She behaved in such a selfless manner, trying to wipe away her own feelings, cleaning up after me, but it just did not work out, regardless of how hard she tried. Maria’s lack of self-care and refusal to process her own emotions and desires ultimately led to a dramatic showdown where she exploded in rage in front of Rosa and me, as I did to her and her boyfriend in this lifetime. At that point, she realized that she could not overwrite my free-will choices and force me to see the higher perspective. Furthermore, regardless of what she did, she could prevent my grueling fate leading me to the pillory and ultimately the gallows. That is the point: We can only control ourselves and process our feelings internally. We can never force anything in the external and any attempt to do so will only lead to resistance and possibly even a downward spiral of control and violence. Last but not least, our own self-care is of the highest importance and we should never neglect it.