My ascent through the valley of death

My ascent through the valley of death

I met another partner from my past incarnation to replay a series of dramatic events of our neurotic love story, which led to a cascading reaction causing massive death and suffering.

Sorry for the dramatic title, but I promise you this really was the hardest challenge I have ever faced until now and the story is not going to disappoint. In short, I relived another karmic aspect of my incarnation from the Middle Ages, but this time with the lady I had an affair with! My previous insights about my key incarnation in Middle Age Germany are described as follows:

I was basically put at the pillory and later executed publicly for various reasons. So far I knew that I betrayed my partner, Maria, with another lady (she also appeared on the sidelines when I was standing at the pillory). Moreover, I had an intuition that I got into worldly political struggles and made too many enemies, which was another reason for my grueling fate back then. That said, I got the opportunity to dive deeper into this incarnation, which apparently was really central for me, as I apparently screwed up massively and carried over A LOT of negative karma into this lifetime. I was also confirmed that it is my last personal major karmic cycle, which means I will be unburdened and free to walk onto new paths after closing it.

Meeting another partner from the past Middle Age incarnation

So I am still living and working in this community in rural South America, which is challenging and highly dramatic in itself (see for example the previous post: ). Being a tall, blue-eyed German man, I get offers all the time from the local ladies. But so far, I never encountered anyone who really resonated with me. According to my experience, a large part of the local women here seem to be mainly focused on two things: Sex and money. Naturally, this does not really resonate with me on my spiritual path, as I would love to have a partner with whom I can be my authentic self. In the past, I have put on a theater too many times, trying to fit into the narrow expectations of the other partner and society as a whole. That being said, there is one lady working in the office here who always stood out from the average. She appears to be much more motivated, driven and determined than most of the South Americans working for this project. She also has very peculiar humor, seems to be highly intelligent and has a professional attitude. Every time we spoke, I felt this super intense attraction between us. I had been feeling it sporadically for a few months now but about 4 weeks ago, we had to work closer together and I started “probing the waters” to see if she is also interested in me. So we started teasing each other regularly and also we were holding a lot of eye contact. “The eyes are the window to the soul” and she seemed to crave the intense eye contact with me as if she sometimes seemed to be completely mesmerized by it. And it really got so intense, I felt so much sexual tension that I sometimes needed to remove myself from the situation because I thought this might be inappropriate in a work setting. It also started to stir up a lot of strange emotions within myself, which I did not really understand back then.

As I was walking under the stars one night, it suddenly hit me: She is the lady, I’ve betrayed Maria with in the past incarnation in Middle Age Germany! A few moments later, a name bubbled up to the surface of my consciousness: Rosa. Damn, really? I couldn’t believe it! I thought to myself: I must have messed up monumentally in that incarnation if she is here now incarnated again to clear things out with me! And an intense energy rush confirmed it immediately in my body. So this was my chance to relive this experience again from another perspective to be able to clear the karma and to finally break free from that old karmic cycle!

I sensed an extremely strong attraction to one of my coworkers, which turned out to be Rosa, the lady I betrayed Maria with in the Middle Ages incarnation (stock photo).

At first, I did not really understand what went wrong in that particular incarnation. I just assumed the problem was that I betrayed my partner, Maria and that I was falling for lower sexual urges. But this explanation was far too simple – much much more was going on! To explore it further, I asked an old friend in the nearby city about Rosa, if she currently has a boyfriend. My initial thought was that in the last incarnation, Rosa tempted me into betraying Maria and that I am now doing it to her (thereby balancing out the karma). Strangely though, my friend responded that Rosa is single right now and has been for a while. I was left utterly confused! So my initial assumptions about the karmic situation were wrong, what was really going on?

Inviting Rosa to a date

An idea popped into my mind: I could invite her onto a date and we could see where things lead from there. Immediately, extreme fear overcame my entire body. My mind generated thoughts like “it is dangerous to date a work colleague, what if it does not work out?”, “she might reject me and I will be humiliated by other people at work”, etc. It was so strange, where were all this fear and those negative thought patterns originating from? Suddenly, something clicked and I remembered that I had been very afraid of dating colleagues at work earlier in life, as if there is some deeply ingrained fear rooting back very, very far…

Nevertheless, I received a very clear and strong intuition that I should try it, dating Rosa. For a while now, I have dedicated my life to absolutely surrendering to every intuition which is given to me from up above, regardless of how illogical, crazy or uncomfortable it might appear at first. So, I started to plan the date, which turned out to be very complicated. I basically just wanted to talk to Rosa in private, without having many others around us. As the nearby town is very small, if we met in a cafe or restaurant, soon everybody would know I thought. But where to meet and how to pull it off? I had absolutely no idea of how dating works in this strange corner of Earth here. Interestingly, the friend who knew Rosa (they went to university together), moved back into town exactly this week and told me I could come to his house and invite Rosa there as well. What a coincidence, wow! I took this as a sign from the universe that I really needed to pull this off.

An old friend, who also knows Rosa, moved back into town and suggested that I can come to his place and invite Rosa as well. What a coincidence!

The last thing missing was that I just needed to ask Rosa if she wanted to come to my friend’s house the next Sunday afternoon. Easier said than done because it is hard to meet her alone, as she’s always extremely busy at work and seldom alone. And I definitely needed to face her in person to ask her. So on Thursday, I saw she was in the office having a meeting with the project leaders discussing some things. I decided to sit down outside of the entrance to wait until she came out. It took about 10 minutes, which seemed like an eternity for me. She stormed out of the door, right past me and obviously was quite agitated (the meeting probably did not go that well). Regardless, I just asked her if she wanted to come as well to my friend’s house on Sunday. Her facial expression suddenly positively shifted to surprise, as she replied “yes, I’d like to. Let’s discuss details later”. One day later, I proceeded to send her a message with the time and location of the date and she confirmed it, adding some starry-eyed excited smileys to underline her positive response.

The following days I was super excited and certain expectations developed. Weeks before, I was given very strong intuitions that I needed to assume very important leadership roles in this community in the near future, thereby supporting other people during very dramatic shifts, which are soon to come. Before the date with Rosa, I thought to myself “those missions can wait a bit, why not enjoy a romantic relationship with her?”. The thing is that so many people around me have been entering relationships in the past (even though many are still miserable and broken inside), while I have been on a solitary journey of celibacy for about 3 years now. Basically, I was saying to myself “screw my divine mission, why not have some fun?”. Crazy, how strong the allure of sexual relations is! Even so strong as to almost pull me off my divine path – but this was all designed that way to relive and viscerally reexperience what happened in that past incarnation.

Even though I was highly aware of some sort of important divine mission, the sexual allure was so strong that I basically told myself: “screw my divine mission, why not have some fun?”

As it was Sunday, I went to my friend’s house in the next town in the afternoon, a bit early as to discuss everything with him in advance. The idea was to talk a bit together casually and he would then leave for an extended period of time to “get something” so Rosa and I could talk in private. I was super excited and very nervous. I needed to closely focus on my breath to finally calm down, which succeeded. At this point, I had no doubt that she was going to come and it would be an exciting evening. The clock was ticking and it was already a bit late, so I wrote her a message saying that we’re already here and I am looking forward to seeing her soon. Another half an hour passed and then another and she did not come. I messaged her again and she did not respond though. My friend messaged her, yet she replied to him that she’s in another city on a music event and cannot come, unfortunately. Then she replied to me “sorry, she forgot about it but will come next time”. Extremely heavy emotions surfaced in my heart area, like a stabbing pain. My friend left me alone so I could meditate for a while. I asked archangel Raphael for help to clear whatever traumatic energy pattern is stuck right there. And only after a couple of minutes, the load was taken away and I could think clearly again. I wrote her another message saying I’m very disappointed that she did not cancel it before but that we’ll be here until the evening, so she could join later. She just did not respond to his message and did not come later. The next morning she texted me some poor excuse that “her battery died” so she did not see the message, which obviously was a lie. I got really, really angry and was wondering why she was behaving this way right now and lying to me that bluntly?

Facing Rosa at work and going through a rollercoaster of emotions

I meditated on the whole situation and soon received an answer: She was feeling a lot of fear and got cold feet. I also got the intuition that she is not really conscious of all of this and she is not in tune very well with her emotions. Instead of going inwards, she prefers to distract herself from her internal world by doing a lot of things in the outer world. Then it hit me: She is actually mirroring my behavior in the past incarnation! Back then, I was dropping down in consciousness, as I was tasked with fulfilling a very critical mission in the political realm. I actually did have a really high and very influential position in that lifetime. The other two ladies, incarnated with me in that lifetime to support me in fulfilling a very critical mission: Maria as my wife and Rosa as my coworker. I agreed to drop in consciousness for a while to succeed in the stressful political swamp back then (funny how some things haven’t changed even until today?) and the two ladies had the task of guiding me and supporting me to not lose sight of the higher divine mission. Unfortunately, things went south from there and we all utterly failed in fulfilling our mission in that Middle Age incarnation. It was an absolute disaster and apparently there are hundreds of lessons to learn from it. While we all failed, Maria had a smaller part of it all but Rosa and I screwed up massively and have a lot of “blood on our hands” (this applies literally, even though I did not understand yet why). This also explains why the following events would get much more complicated, escalating further.

One day after the failed date, I met Rosa in the office and instantly sensed her insecurity. She did not really know how to behave in front of me. I tried to diffuse the situation by using some quirky humor on her and she laughed hysterically, as I quickly left the scene. Two days later, we met again but in a group with some other ladies from the office and Rosa behaved towards me in a very normal way, she kindly taunted me and I retaliated by gently embarrassing her in front of the others. It was a really light-hearted atmosphere and internally this did feel very good and exciting again. However, as I left the scene, my heart collapsed and I felt intensely negative feelings of grief, pain, sorrow as well as anger. Those emotions were like an intense rollercoaster and totally clouded my vision. I could not muster a single clear thought. It all was so heavy that I needed to meditate alone for a while until my vision cleared again. All of this was stirring up so much old trauma inside of me and it was SOOOO difficult to endure but I had to do it. On Thursday evening, I meditated more on it and got a much clearer view of the situation: In the current lifetime, I have the task to guide Rosa “up the mountain” so to speak, so she can reestablish her connection to the divine and reach a higher level of consciousness. It is the same task she had in the past life but now we can attempt it again in a different constellation.

While navigating this allegorical mountain of emotions, my internal compass was spinning erratically and I was totally confused, helpless and without a sense of direction.

Another peculiar idea popped into my mind: I could write a short hand-written note to Rosa, apologizing to pressure her into anything and asking her if we could find some time to clarify things, at least in a phone call. I tried to keep the choice of words light and humourous. The next morning, I went to a bathroom and she suddenly was standing there and startling me. The entire week, I did not encounter her alone but suddenly, as I was not prepared mentally to face her, we were standing there alone and talking! We were talking in the usual light-hearted manner, teasing each other, laughing and holding strong eye contact. My emotions were fluctuating rapidly between excitement and confusion. I then decided to give her the hand-written note. She quickly glanced over it, but then put it into her pocket and said “she’ll read it later” and suddenly went into the bathroom without saying anything. Of course, it went totally different than I anticipated and I was standing there between the bathroom doors in total confusion. I started to walk away but it then occurred to me that this situation did not go as well as I predicted. The entire remaining day, I sensed extreme fear and despair feeling like an old train standing on my chest. I was also super tired and exhausted. To make matters worse, I was totally confused, as if my internal compass was erratically spinning around in all directions! What did I do wrong, what am I missing? After all, I went from having a very clear viewpoint on Thursday evening to being absolutely confused on Friday. It almost felt as if one day I was on top of a mountain and the next day, I fell into the deepest valley of death. Later that day, I was confirmed that I actually am walking through the “valley of death”, as I am still going through those old karmic series of events that led to my gruesome public execution. The next morning, I even woke up with a twisted neck causing a lot of pain – it was the position where the noose for my execution by hanging was put. It was extremely intense as if my body was experiencing energetically those events of the past life again. I was desperate, confused and hopeless, this really was the hardest task I had ever faced until now!

My song of ascent

On the following day, I listened again to the song Highlands (Song of Ascent):

Highlands (Song of Ascent)

I had been listening for the last few weeks already to that song, over and over again as it resonated deeply within myself and my current situation, as this song exactly explains what I am going through and also presents the solution for my dilemma. The following paragraph resonated the most:

“Whatever I walk through

Wherever I am

Your name can move mountains

Wherever I stand

And if ever I walk through

The valley of death

I’ll sing through the shadows

My song of ascent”

This part of the song relates to the story of Jesus on the mountain, mentioned in Matthew 17:
Long story short, Jesus performs miracles his disciples cannot repeat. The reason for this is not to be found in Jesus’ position on the mountain, as he did miracles on top and on the bottom but in his unshakable belief in God. “Faith the size of a mustard seed” can move mountains. We just need to believe, focus on our internal connection to the divine and overcome our fear.

Something clicked, as I realized that Rosa and I were on different levels of the mountain but instead of focusing on my divine connection, I was exclusively focused on her, dropping down the mountain, walking through the “valley of death” and getting totally lost in her. Damn, I even thought about neglecting my divine mission just to have a nice time with her, wanting to distract myself in sensual pleasures. What was I thinking? Of course, it relates back to the old incarnation, where I already fell into this trap. I was now shown this situation again to really deeply understand what happened to learn from it and clear it. During another evening walk, I realized the full extent of the massive screw-up in the past incarnation: Rosa and I were falling into a neurotic love relationship, where we totally got entangled with each other, getting completely lost in lower physical pleasures and neglecting our divine mission. As I had a very high and influential political role in that lifetime, my and Rosa’s irresponsible free will choices caused a cascading chain reaction of destruction, suffering and death.

Having a lot of blood on my hands

A couple of days later, it occurred to me, why I perceived to have so much “blood on my hands”: During meditation, I suddenly saw a dark, scary “valley of death” scenery, covered with human bones and parts of medieval battle armor, in particular those characteristic battle helmets. I realized that my unconscious irresponsible actions had caused some kind of chain reaction leading to actual battles. I feel that there were other parties’ unconscious choices involved as well, leading to that situation, but I personally carry a significant burden of responsibility for kicking off some sort of gruesome downward spiral that led to military battles and consequently a lot of death, suffering and despair. What an enormous karmic burden I have been carrying all those years! That actually explains a lot, especially why that particular incarnation has been at the forefront of the visions I’ve been receiving and why the main participants, Maria and Rosa, actually incarnated again with me here, triggering me so intensely to bring up this immense load to the surface for clearing.

I saw a scary “valley of death” scenery, covered with human bones and parts of medieval battle armor, which is linked through my unconscious actions in the past incarnation.

Subsequently, I came across the song “Come Alive”:

“Come alive come alive come alive dry bones

Awake arise

Inhale the light

Come alive come alive

I’m gonna sing to you dry bones

Until you’re covered in life

And the valley blooms

Like a rosebud in the light”

A vision of the “valley of death” surfaced but this time, I saw how intense bright sunlight started covering the scene, illuminating every last corner of it, that has been in the shadows for so long. Then I witnessed how all those bones and remnants of war were slowly being overgrown by beautiful flowers, some of them in a dark-reddish color tone reminding me of unconditional divine love. The entire scene started to shift rapidly, from grey, dark and scary towards colorful, beautiful and serene. Once again, a massive purge occurred where the old stuck traumatic energy patterns, which have been caught in this Matrix for way too long, were released and immediately transmuted into something beautiful and uplifting with divine help.

As the old trauma was released, I witnessed how the valley of death was being transformed as the light started illuminating it and everything was overgrown by beautiful flowers.

I proceeded to meditate and started praying to Jesus to help me clear all of the remaining old trauma. I instantly felt how a heavy load was taken from my shoulders. Again, I saw myself in the Medieval scenery, standing at the pillory. I glanced over the dark, grey, dull masses and saw how both Maria and Rosa were standing at the sidelines. I then glanced upwards and saw two doves of peace circling above my head. They had been there all along but I never registered them until now. I realized that I was not ready yet to face the full intent of the karmic burden and connected trauma from that incarnation – until now. I then saw the red lion on the emblem of the German state Hesse again and felt strong lion energy rising up within me. But wait, there was more: As I broke free from the shackles with my own strength and willpower, I suddenly realized that I had wings too! I did not even need to ask Archangel Michael for help to carry me out of this scene, I could actually transcend this realm on my own. It all clicked: We do have immense God-like powers within us if we are ready to face our past traumas and are ready and willing to “wipe our karmic slate clean”. This also is the way to transcend from the Matrix system that keeps us confined in this realm. Naturally, important knowledge about healing our traumas, karmic debts and our intrinsic divine powers has been kept from us by those controlling and profiting from this Matrix. Hence, it is of utmost importance to share this knowledge so that as many people as possible can apply those tools to free themselves. This is how we break free from the Matrix and ascend into the higher dimensions!

What’s next?

My intuition tells me that a lot of karmic storylines are coming together at this current project I am working for in South America. It is as if many people here are given a chance to clean up their past karmas and to start walking onto novel pathways. For me personally, as well as Rosa and Maria, we are giving another chance here to finish what we started in the past incarnation. As Hessen/Germany in the Middle Ages, where I am now in South America is a very dark spot on the Earth plane, poverty, victim mentality and a generally low level of consciousness are omnipresent here. I feel that I, as well as Maria and Rosa, will grow into central leadership roles here to make this project work, thereby creating an important exchange center of commerce, science and spirituality in this left-behind region. I am grateful for being given this opportunity and hereby strongly underline my commitment to unconditionally follow the divine intuitions I am being presented with, in complete surrender.

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